It was part of a recruiting weekend where prospective graduate students visit the department to decide if they want to come to the University of Wisconsin for graduate school. DON'T STOP READING! IT GETS GOOD!!! My department thows the absolute best parties for these functions, and this particular one had open bar the whole night. So, I'm drinking with this visiting student and he says "lets get outta here". I'm thinking, "free booze...ummmm...no". He says, "I wanna go to a strip bar, I brought a bunch of money I haven't spent because everything's been free, so I'll buy".
Really, the name of the recruiting game is to make the recruits happy, right? So, in the interest of bringing potential talent to the University of Wisconsin for graduate school, I begrudgingly said yes. So, I brought him to Visions, the only strip bar in Madison (at least it was then), a bright red building with bright yellow trim (the neighbors tried to shut the guy down, so he retaliated by painting the building as outlandishly as possible). Really, it's somewhat of an architectural marvel.
We get in there, and the first thing the guy does is get a stack of 50 singles, and splits them between us. I wasn't expecting for him to provide me singles, just drinks. Again, who am I to complain? I aim to please. So, we're drinking very heavily, using the singles to, ahem, tip the waitresses, and just generally getting wasted off our gourdes.
Then, a guy walks in, and he's by himself, and I look closer only to realize it's Pauley Shore. By himself. Well, I was drunk, I had a stack of 7 singles in front of me, and I was in the business of entertaining, so what did I do? I got up and invited Pauley Shore to sit with us...I even offered to give him some singles (actually, I don't think that's true...the source who gave me that info is notoriously unreliable).
Turns out Pauley Shore is a stuck up jerk. Oh no. Mr. Smarty Pants Comedian can't sit with a student with 4 singles stacked up on the table! So, instead, he went and sat in the corner by himself (take that, Mr. Smarmy Comedian)! For about 30 seconds. Then the waitress was over there. Then a stripper was over there. Then another stripper was over there. Then some fat old guy wearing nothing but a speedo on his head was over there (Ha! Just seeing if you made it this far!).
Turns out Pauley Shore didn't need my help to pick up chicks. Oh, Mr. Girl Magnet Probably Went to an After Bar Party with Five Strippers Comedian! You're soooooo smart!
At least I left the place with 2 singles (dollar bills, not strippers), neither of which were mine to begin with. Oh yeah! I stuck it to Mr. Likely to Have Been Satisfied by Multiple Beautiful Women at the Same Time Comedian!
