Badger_colorado

So, I was reading an article on the Fox News website in which a Virginia county library system pulled a children's story about two male penguins who hatched a chick together.  As it turns out, the book is based on a true story about Roy and Silo, who accomplished the feat at Central Park Zoo in NYC.

Now, I was going to post a blog about censorship (it's based on a TRUE story, and even if it wasn't, you had better pull all books about any kind of relationship if you're pulling this one) and gay rights (mind your own business social conservatives), but as I read the Wikipedia account of Roy and Silo, I decided that the story was just too durn funny to take this in a serious direction.

As it turns out, Roy and Silo were initially trying to hatch a rock.  I'm not sure this story bodes well for men who want to raise children on their own.  We might just find ourselves playing catch with a boulder or pushing garden ornaments on the swing, wondering why our little wunderchild can't read past the 0th grade level.  Well, the zookeepers, in seeing Roy and Silo's love for a rock, decided to see if they could handle a real egg.  It turned out that they could, and the result was a female chick named Tango. The egg hatched, and a few weeks later, Roy and Silo were shocked, tired, emotionally drained, and heard to be muttering "our first child wasn't nearly this temperamental...what HAPPENED!"  Tango is receiving counseling due to the fact that her dads constantly attempted to use her as a paperweight when she was growing up.

In an interesting turn of events,  Tango has decided to get hitched with another female penguin, and they have paired for two mating seasons.  Unlike Roy and Silo, they never attempted to raise a rock.  Yes, men are stupid, but did Roy and Silo have to make us look THAT bad?!?!?

Unfortunately, after 6 years of tasteful decorations and stylish dressing, Roy and Silo broke up.  You might expect that Silo caught Roy getting it on as part of a six way that he hooked up with following a night of shirtless clubbing.   You would be wrong.  It turns out the fundamentalists finally got to Silo, convincing him he was immoral, and "converting" him to being "straight", and he's currently dating a female penguin.  In the near future, expect to see a half page New York Times article proclaiming that it is possible to change your orientation and be saved from an afterlife of eternal damnation, even if you're a penguin.  On the advertisement, Silo will be the grossly unhappy looking penguin proclaiming how the 1st New Church of Latter Day Holyism showed him the path to salvation.  Silo is currently being counseled for suicidal thoughts.

When I was younger, I was a bowler. Yup, while other guys were busy doing things like playing football, basketball, or baseball, I was kegling and kegling with a purpose. Read on, Sportsline readers, for this is a tale of tragedy and triumph.

Now, my kegling days started off with little fanfare as a junior bowler in an after school league on Monday nights. I was one of the better bowlers on my team and I remember when I threw my first 100+ game. A 125 to be exact. I thought I was hot doodoo, I'll tell ya!!! Then, my illusion was shattered as another kid told me he had shot a 225! Oh my gosh, a 225?!?!?! That's a score that defies logic! I mean, how in the world did he do that?!?!?! I wasn't even in the same league as him! Actually, I really wasn't. He bowled on Wednesday nights.

Well, I worked hard and began bowling more, adding Saturday morning and Thursday after school leagues to my repertoire. Eventually, I conquered that 200 barrier by tossing a 234! Oh yeah! Beat that Mr. 225 wimp! As it turned out, he had shot a 254! TRAGIC! Will I ever conquer my nemesis?!?!

Over time, I joined what was known as a traveling league, in which our bowling alley picked people to represent them against the other bowling alleys. This was big time! I had arrived! My nemesis had joined a different team, and therefore we would be bowling against each other at least twice a year. His team had won the city championship several years running, and so it was the classic case of David vs. Goliath, Giants vs. Pats, geeks vs., well, other, more talented geeks. The difference was that, unlike David, the Giants, and the talented dorks, our team would never win anything of significance. I did end up beating my nemesis, though! I had a higher average than him! To heck with the team! I won!

More importantly, bowling broadened my horizons. Each team was required to have at least one girl and ours was the hottest one of them all! How lucky was I to be bowling not only with a GIRL, but a beautiful girl! I even said stuff to her! Really important stuff! Really grand stuff! Stuff like "Uh, hey" and "So, how are you?" I was really going places now! I even fantasized about asking her out some day! Of course I never did, but man, I had it all worked out in my head! It would have been awesome!

But, I don't want to imply that bowling is just about the thrill of competition, women, and all the Pepsis you can drink without peeing every third frame. It's so much more than that! In fact, bowling was the reason that I was able to begin exploring the world. There was this state tournament in Kenosha and I took a road trip with some buds down there and it was so cool! And you won't believe this! The guy that I went with was my former NEMESIS! As it turned out, we became really good friends since we went to the same high school. You'll never guess how we started talking. It was BOWLING! That's right, BOWLING!

The next year that tournament came to Green Bay. I was at my home alley and this was my opportunity for glory. And I seized that opportunity with gusto! I ended up placing SIXTH PLACE in the state tournament! Sure, I missed a 10 pin that would have put me in the televised finals, but sixth place is really good when you're talking about dozens of bowlers from all over Wisconsin! I got a trophy and everything. I had traveled all over the world, I had gotten the girl in my mind, and I had achieved the glory of almost getting into the finals and competing for a first place finish in a limited state competition.

So, the lesson in all this is that you too can achieve all your dreams. Especially if you set the bar low and choose bowling as your "sport".

Stay tuned for the next blog "how drinking improved my game, but destroyed my desire", a tragic tale of college bowling competition, and the partying that led to the abandonment of the "sport" I loved.

I just saw a story about a man called the "Human Camera". His name is Stephen Wiltshire and he is a savant who has the ability to draw, with almost perfect recall, entire cities after a brief trip in a helicopter. The following video chronicles a trip to Rome:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a8YXZTlwTAU

His story is here:

http://www.wisconsinmedicalsociety.org/savant_syndrome/savant_profiles/stephen_wiltshire

There are several other savants that I find fascinating, including the original "Rain Man", Kim Peek, who can, among other things, read both pages of an open book at the same time, but also has almost total recall of the over 7600 books he has read. I don't remember the book I'm reading.

For a list of some of the more famous savants and their talents, go here:

http://www.wisconsinmedicalsociety.org/savant_syndrome/

Now, I've always been interested in the concept of being able to multiply 10 digit numbers in my head without actually doing much thinking and the ability to memorize Pi to 20,000 places, but seeing that story got me to thinking. What would be a more useful savant-like talent to have? Would it be the ability to remember a girlfriend's birthday with perfect clarity? The uncanny ability to remember where I placed my car keys? Or perhaps even the much desired ability to understand women? I think a good one would be the ability to remember the name of a person I met 15 seconds earlier in the day.

I then got to thinking about savant-like talents I may already possess. While in college, I once drank a 6-pack beer bong in under 5 seconds. I remember the names of almost every girl I've had, errr, relations with. I can type without looking at the keyboard. Hmmm, perhaps my savant-like qualities are still developing. The thing is, I'm certain I MUST be a savant because savants are often unable to pay attention to their surroundings as they have a laser sharp focus on their task at hand, and as former girlfriends would testify, that describes me perfectly when a Packer game is on. Or if the T.V. is on in general.

They claim to have told me things, but due to my intensity of purpose, i.e., wanting to know whether or not the third replay will give a better angle to see if the foot was inbounds, I don't even hear them. And really, they know that if the t.v. is on in the background, I'm going to be distracted, so why try to have a serious discussion? It doesn't matter that it's an infomercial, it tunes into my brainwaves and makes me a drooling idiot. That goes back to my desire to understand women. Please turn the t.v. off instead of getting mad that I'm not listening! Crap, what was I talking about?

I tend to fidget a lot. If I'm sitting, my legs are bouncing up and down, I often rock back and forth, and I twiddle my fingers endlessly. Surely that is sign of me being a savant, right? I just need to find my talent. I hope it's somehow related to being able to...crap, what was I talking about? Stupid t.v.