Badger_colorado

Historically speaking, most analysts and fans will point out that Tony Mandarich was one of the top 5 busts in the history of the NFL, and I wouldn’t disagree with them. I mean, when Barry Sanders, Deion Sanders, and Derrick Thomas are chosen after “The Incredible Bulk”, it’s hard to argue that picking him was anything more than a monumental blunder.

However, I’d argue that he was the main reason why the Packers eventually won another Super Bowl. Am I crazy? Of course, but that’s irrelevant to my argument. Now, to give you a little perspective, look at what happened to the Detroit Lions after they drafted Barry Sanders, the player the Packers would have chosen if they decided to pass on Turnstile Tony. The Lions were moderately successful, making the playoffs a few times, including an NFC championship appearance in which Wayne Fontes became known for sucking on a huge stogie (perhaps his most well-known accomplishment…sucking).

In Green Bay, the Packers were busy continuing their run of futility, and in fact a 10-6 record made Lindy Infante somewhat of a hero in the state of Wisconsin, despite the fact that it wasn’t good enough for the playoffs. So, had the Packers drafted Barry Sanders instead of Man-I’m-rich, the Packers probably would have overcome the playoff hump and Lindy Infante would never have been fired. In fact, he probably would have acquired mythical status in Wisconsin. The problem is that he wasn’t a good enough coach to get them to the Super Bowl, let alone win it. In other words, the Green Bay Packers would have been the Detroit Lions.

Instead, they made the much criticized personnel choice (Hey Tony, why did you lose 30 pounds of muscle after you left college?), and the Packers spiraled downward after climbing to the tip of the mole hill. Tom Bratz was fired after the team devolved back into a laughing stock and Ron Wolf was hired. Ron Wolf decided to go another direction with the coach and canned Infante, and then hired Mike Holmgren. He also traded a #1 draft choice for some unheralded party animal who was riding the pine in Atlanta. Then, the Packers managed to make the biggest free agent signing in the history of the NFL in Reggie White. Reggie was quoted as saying that playing against Favre the previous year made him realize that something special was happening in Green Bay (based on a hit he applied to Brett Favre, in which the Gunslinger was spitting up blood, but kept playing).

The rest is history.

Incidentally, I think a similar “blessing in disguise” might have been 4th and 26. Had the Packers managed to stop the Eagles, they would have won the game and possibly made it to the Super Bowl, and who knows, they may have won it. Now much remains to be seen about Ted Thompson and Mike McCarthy, but based on early results it appears that the team is in much better hands than it would have been under Mike Sherman. Stop the Eagles, Mike Sherman is still coaching, and probably he’s still GM. I suspect the team is better off as is, though, because I feel like something special is once again building in Green Bay.

This blog is for kmgonz since he liked the story when I posted it very late one night on some random thread.

So, many of the people who post on this website either went to college or are going to college. What is the coolest thing you ever did at the expense of blowing off a class or maybe even work. Did you get caught? Did you end up paying the piper? Was it worth it?

Others are in high school, but I would never want to condone irresponsible behavior in minors.

Here's my story:

I saw the Beastie Boys (Check Your Head tour) the night before a huge stats test. Here's how the decision played out with me and my buddy:

Sitting in the library studying.

Buddy: We should go see the Beasties. They're playing at the Rave (a small, intimate venue in Milwaukee).
Me: We have a test tomorrow. I suppose we could go to the concert and come home and study afterwards.
Buddy: Yeah, we don't even have to drink.
Me: What the heck.

Later in the night

Buddy: Should we have a beer?
Me: Well, I suppose we could have one. But we should stop after that so we can study later.
Buddy: Yeah, we'll just have one or two.

Later in the night

Buddy: (through heavily slurred speech) That chick we just hit on? Her pimp just asked me if we wanted to enjoy her services.
Me: What? What are you talking about? She totally dug me!
Buddy: Dude, I think she's a h00ker.
Me: Crap. Well, that explains why she was so into me. Let's get a Captain and Coke.

Later in the night

Buddy: I'm wasted! (barely understandable to anyone who hadn't had 12 drinks)
Me: Me, too. Did we have something we were supposed to do tomorrow?
Buddy: Just that stupid stats test.
Me: Man, I'm drunk. I don't think I can study.
Buddy: Sc#w it! I we were destined to fail that class anyway!! Lets do a shot!

Next morning

Buddy: Ugh! Man, we have a test today. I think I'm still drunk.
Me: I know I'm still drunk. Did we study last night?

I got a B in the class...I don't recall my grade for that test, but the long-term consequences were not very severe. Besides, it was the Beasties and we were able to walk right up to the stage, back to the bar, and then right up to the stage again (many times). It was WELL worth it!

In continuing with my history of sports-related blogs (the first being dancing).

I remember seeing a Discover channel show about competitive eaters, and the competitive eaters theorize that being skinny actually makes it possible to eat more because the fat doesn't limit your stomach expansion. They tried to write a journal article on the subject. The losers (can't eat 50 dogs ya wimp?) actually submitted a paper to the New England Journal of Medicine (possibly the #1 journal in the world), expecting that they could get the paper accepted.

I can just imagine what the abstract looked like:

In this paper, we describe how our buddy, Yoko, can pound like 60 hotdogs in less than 10 minutes even though he's only a skinny little twig, but Chuck, who has to be pushing 4 bills can't even get 30 down. Based on our observations of pizza, jalepeno, pie, chicken wing, and sushi roll eating contests, in which that skinny little freak wins every friggin' time, we've come to the conclusion that his stomach can stretch more because he's totally skin and bones, and skin is more stretchy than fat. I mean, look at how much Chuck's skin has stretched and tell us we're wrong! Dude has stretch marks on his friggin' NOSE! In conclusion, skinny people are punks because they can eat way more than the rest of us.

Posted while drunk on a Friday night:

It was part of a recruiting weekend where prospective graduate students visit the department to decide if they want to come to the University of Wisconsin for graduate school.  DON'T STOP READING!  IT GETS GOOD!!!  My department thows the absolute best parties for these functions, and this particular one had open bar the whole night.  So, I'm drinking with this visiting student and he says "lets get outta here".  I'm thinking, "free booze...ummmm...no".  He says, "I wanna go to a strip bar, I brought a bunch of money I haven't spent because everything's been free, so I'll buy". 

Really, the name of the recruiting game is to make the recruits happy, right?  So, in the interest of bringing potential talent to the University of Wisconsin for graduate school, I begrudgingly said yes.  So, I brought him to Visions, the only strip bar in Madison (at least it was then), a bright red building with bright yellow trim (the neighbors tried to shut the guy down, so he retaliated by painting the building as outlandishly as possible).  Really, it's somewhat of an architectural marvel.

We get in there, and the first thing the guy does is get a stack of 50 singles, and splits them between us.  I wasn't expecting for him to provide me singles, just drinks.  Again, who am I to complain?  I aim to please.  So, we're drinking very heavily, using the singles to, ahem, tip the waitresses, and just generally getting wasted off our gourdes.

Then, a guy walks in, and he's by himself, and I look closer only to realize it's Pauley Shore.  By himself.  Well, I was drunk, I had a stack of 7 singles in front of me, and I was in the business of entertaining, so what did I do?  I got up and invited Pauley Shore to sit with us...I even offered to give him some singles (actually, I don't think that's true...the source who gave me that info is notoriously unreliable). 

Turns out Pauley Shore is a stuck up jerk.  Oh no.  Mr. Smarty Pants Comedian can't sit with a student with 4 singles stacked up on the table!  So, instead, he went and sat in the corner by himself (take that, Mr. Smarmy Comedian)!  For about 30 seconds.  Then the waitress was over there.  Then a stripper was over there.  Then another stripper was over there.  Then some fat old guy wearing nothing but a speedo on his head was over there (Ha! Just seeing if you made it this far!).

Turns out Pauley Shore didn't need my help to pick up chicks.  Oh, Mr. Girl Magnet Probably Went to an After Bar Party with Five Strippers Comedian!  You're soooooo smart!

At least I left the place with 2 singles (dollar bills, not strippers), neither of which were mine to begin with.  Oh yeah!  I stuck it to Mr. Likely to Have Been Satisfied by Multiple Beautiful Women at the Same Time Comedian!