If you were gay in an intollerant household.

Posted on: May 16, 2008 7:32 pm

Edited on: May 16, 2008 7:33 pm

This blog was inspired by the recent California decision to legalize gay marriage. There are lots of reasons that a person might not like California, but this is something that I consider wonderful and a step towards the day when all people truly are equal.

Let me first say that I am not gay. However, I do have close friends (and at least one relative) who are. In fact, one of my best friends happens to be gay and I still remember clearly the day he told me and how afraid he was that I'd stop being his friend. I would even say that I was homophobic until that day. But, when someone you care about tells you they're gay, and if you have any sense of decency your opinion will change. Unless you are blinded by a condition of moral superiority and intolerance, it won't matter to you that the person who has been your friend or son or cousin is gay.

I wrote this a while back to address people who are vehemently anti-gay. I doubt it'll change their minds, but gay folks kill themselves frequently exactly because of the reason I illustrate below. I also KNEW someone who's mother told him "I wish you would have told me you have terminal cancer rather than telling me you're gay" along with several others who were disowned by their "Christian" families (that's really Christian...proclaiming yourself God and giving yourself the right to judge). It's crazy to me.

Pathway to destruction.

What do you think could happen if you make the decision that being gay is a "choice" rather than a natural variation in the human condition? What happens if you decide that, rather than being part of God's plan, something humans cannot possibly know, that being gay is in fact a reprehensible sin perpetrated by people who have chosen a path of evil rather than a path to the Almighty?

Lets say you have a son, and you tell your son from a very early age that being h0m0sexual is bad. When your hypothetical son is young, it won't be a problem because people don't think about others in a sexual way until later

However, around the age of 12, your hyposon will start to have feelings towards boys he doesn't understand. This will be deeply confusing to hyposon. On one hand, the boys call each other "f@gs" and "h0m0" as insults and mom and dad says that gays are bad, but on the other hand hyposon thinks boys are kinda cute. This doesn't add up, but he goes and kicks Susie in the chin anyway because that's what the other boys do at that age to prove they like girls.

At the age of 13 or 14, when the other boys are talking about what they'd like to do to the girls, hyposon will be thinking "gosh, I'd like to do those things with the other boys". Alas, hyposon will continue to talk to the boys about how he wants a "BJ" from Susie, even though he doesn't know what a "BJ" is and doesn't have any real desire to be anywhere near Susie because he's not attracted to girls. He begins to wonder what a "BJ" might be like from Chuckie, though

Well, hyposon will continue with his charade about how he likes girls, and will even take a few to dances and other social events, making his father very proud. He'll talk to dad about how those h0m0s are messing up society and that it's absurd that they should want the things that "normal" folks want. All the while, the internal conflict will grow. Hyposon will wonder "what's wrong with me? It's obvious that being gay is morally reprehensible...dad's been telling me that my whole life...but I really think I like boys."

Since hypoboy will continue to think that there's something wrong with him, mainly because he looks up to pops and therefore doesn't consider that perhaps pops is wrong, he will continue to struggle with his "problem" but not tell anyone because he's so embarrassed. And it will eat him alive. Hypoboy will become very, very depressed, and realize that no matter what he tries, he can't make his feelings for boys go away.

And eventually, hypoboy will realize that there's only one way to make his torment stop. Hypoboy goes into pops gun cabinet, and blankly stares at the double barrel shotgun that dad taught him how to shoot when he was 12. He finds the cartridges and loads the shotgun. And after contemplating his choice for over an hour, he props the gun against the back of his throat, places the yardstick against the trigger, and with a tear running down his cheek...

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broncofan46 Reputation: 96 Level: Superstar Since: Feb 9, 2007	Posted on: May 16, 2008 8:54 pm Score: 91 If you were gay in an intollerant household. Badger: Nice blog. . . . It seems that I have posted these thoughts many times on these boards, as you have for that matter. Unfortunately, what is called "religion" too often is another name for intolerance. Christianity, Islam and most of the major religions don't actually stand for or preach intolerance, but it seems to find it's way there. Anti-gay feelings are widespread and are fostered by people who feel that the Bible says homosexuality is unnatural and anti-Christian. It is sad that a scenario as you have described certainly can and does occasionally happen. Fortunately there are some kids that think independentlly enought to overcome their parents' prejudices. Homophobia was the norm back in my highschool and college days. The poor homosexuals kept it hidden as much as they could. There is progress being made, but it is slow. I think it is clear that this is something that people are born with and that it isn't a chosen path. My parents had fears that somehow a homosexual could "lure" or "turn you to the path of homosexuality." Even if this were a chosen sexual preference--so what? It isn't my choice, but it isn't evil. Well, perhaps the more info that is out there can save some kids--so they can find out that "pops may be wrong on this one." [ Reply to Comment ]
broncofan46 Reputation: 96 Level: Superstar Since: Feb 9, 2007	Posted on: May 16, 2008 8:56 pm Score: 94 If you were gay in an intollerant household. Oh, Badger, I left out that those gay penguins now are a whole different "kettle of fish!" [ Reply to Comment ]
cowboyhater Reputation: 90 Level: All-Star Since: Apr 17, 2008	Posted on: May 16, 2008 11:42 pm Score: 53 If you were gay in an intollerant household. Very Powerful blog. I'm married and have a 9 year old son of my own to another woman, and, as my wife knows this, will do anything for him. Through courtship and our entire relationship, she knows deep down that my 1st and main priority in life is to be "The Dad" for my son. Your blog is so true, that it's scary. I don't know exactly when you wrote it...I just found it scolling through every one else's avatars and there membership screnes. I can't offer any advice about your friend, and i wish i could, because I really haven't had many friends that were gay. About 10 years ago (I'm 37 now) a girl I worked with that was gay invited me out to relax for a few drinks and be friends. She took me to a gay bar. I wasn't shocked or even uncomfortable there, probobly because no guy hit on me, because i'm the type of person that can get along with any crowd. I just wish there were more people like us that try not to judge by what they are but who they are and what they mean to us as a person. [ Reply to Comment ]
Badger_colorado Reputation: 97 Level: Superstar Since: Jan 24, 2007	Posted on: May 17, 2008 1:26 am Score: 92 If you were gay in an intollerant household. My parents had fears that somehow a homosexual could "lure" or "turn you to the path of homosexuality." Even if this were a chosen sexual preference--so what? It isn't my choice, but it isn't evil. The thing is, who would choose to be gay? Why in the world would anyone choose a lifestyle that puts them in harms way and exposes them to constant criticism and ridicule? It's absolutely absurd to believe that the large number of people who are gay would continue to choose that lifestyle if they were biologically capable of finding the opposite sex attractive. I'm sure there are some people who experiment (mostly women...I highly doubt many guys do...but then again, what do I know?), but except for very extreme and rare cases, those people will eventually choose a heterosexual lifestyle if they are actually attracted to the opposite sex. People who are straight would never even consider a gay sexual encounter...it's friggin' gross to think about (there are many joking innuendos between me and my gay friend...he's equally as repulsed by beaver)! Why would they say "it's a choice"? That's called closing your eyes, rocking back and forth like an invalid, plugging your ears with your thumbs, and being intentionally moronic. I wasn't shocked or even uncomfortable there, probobly because no guy hit on me, because i'm the type of person that can get along with any crowd. I just wish there were more people like us that try not to judge by what they are but who they are and what they mean to us as a person.Yeah, it's really not that big of a deal. It's not like people are having anal sex and offering BJs to whoever shows up. It's like any other bar with the sole exception that guys are hitting on guys and/or girls are hitting on girls. Fortunately, I think more and more people are thinking like you, cowboy hater. In fact, reading the threads on this topic I'm very pleasantly surprised at how many people are willing to take a stand on the issue and state their support for the California decision. Of course, there are still lots of closed-minded fools out there. And in fact, some of them aren't fools, but just misguided with the potential to change. But there were lots of people posting that it's absurd that in this day and age that the greatest country on earth would discriminate against someone for their sexual preference. 20 years ago that would definitely not have been the case. Oh, Badger, I left out that those gay penguins now are a whole different "kettle of fish!"If you read that blog a little closer, you'll see that in the beginning I mention that my original intention was to post a serious blog (like this one). But, c'mon! Gay effin' penguins! How can a person post anything serious when gay penguins are on the table! Thanks for posting, guys! [ Reply to Comment ]
The Bong Show Reputation: 94 Level: All-Star Since: Sep 24, 2007	Posted on: May 17, 2008 5:03 am Score: 90 If you were gay in an intollerant household. There are lots of reasons that a person might not like California The great weather, the beaches, awesome snow skiing, Yosemite, etc. :) but this is something that I consider wonderful and a step towards the day when all people truly are equal. Agreed. :) Let me first say that I am not gay. Isn't that the most telling thing right there? Those handful of tiny words that ALWAYS need to preface these arguments, "I'm not gay." You just did it and I have had to do it countless times on here as well. If you read Jason's thread about it, you'll see just the most ignorant people on the planet calling him "gay" because he started the thread. The fact that we even need to tell others that we are or aren't is a major issue that highlights how huge of an issue it still is in today's society. I would even say that I was homophobic until that day. But, when someone you care about tells you they're gay, and if you have any sense of decency your opinion will change. Well said! I also KNEW someone who's mother told him "I wish you would have told me you have terminal cancer rather than telling me you're gay" Nice. :( And eventually, hypoboy will realize that there's only one way to make his torment stop. Hypoboy goes into pops gun cabinet, and blankly stares at the double barrel shotgun that dad taught him how to shoot when he was 12. He finds the cartridges and loads the shotgun. And after contemplating his choice for over an hour, he props the gun against the back of his throat, places the yardstick against the trigger, and with a tear running down his cheek... While this does happen, it isn't the norm. Perhaps in some ways, many of them get off "easy" as compared to those who live most of their best years thinking that something is seriously wrong with them thanks to the religious right's claim over morality in this country. What if instead we just educated kids to the realities? Kids get along better with deaf and mentally challenged kids often times more so than gay kids which is mind-boggling. But it is due to lack of education on the part of our society. Nice blog again Badger! Cheers! [ Reply to Comment ]
The Bong Show Reputation: 94 Level: All-Star Since: Sep 24, 2007	Posted on: May 17, 2008 5:16 am Score: 90 If you were gay in an intollerant household. Unfortunately, what is called "religion" too often is another name for intolerance. Agreed! Anti-gay feelings are widespread and are fostered by people who feel that the Bible says homosexuality is unnatural and anti-Christian. Via very vague passages at best. Moreover, those passages don't tie in with the larger picture of what Jesus the man actually preached. There is progress being made, but it is slow. I think it is clear that this is something that people are born with and that it isn't a chosen path. Agreed twice. :) My parents had fears that somehow a homosexual could "lure" or "turn you to the path of homosexuality." With a fishing pole and proper bait perhaps? LOL Well, perhaps the more info that is out there can save some kids--so they can find out that "pops may be wrong on this one." Agreed 1000% Oh, Badger, I left out that those gay penguins now are a whole different "kettle of fish!" ROTFLMFAO!!!! I just wish there were more people like us that try not to judge by what they are but who they are Wise words indeed Cowboy! The world would be a much better place if that were the case. :) The thing is, who would choose to be gay? Why in the world would anyone choose a lifestyle that puts them in harms way and exposes them to constant criticism and ridicule? As you mention a little later, I'm sure that there are some people that do it for different reasons. Many straight guys do it to make money as prositutes or in the adult film industry (where they get WAY more money for guy/guy than guy/girl scenes). Others might do it to piss off their parents and to rebel. Others might do it because they need attention. Most of those people probably end up back on the straight "team" before getting married or the like. But for the most part, I totally agree. The vast, vast majority are born that way and it would be stupid for them to subject themselves to unnecessary ridicule. And in fact, some of them aren't fools, but just misguided with the potential to change. Just uneducated to the issue and unwiling to look at it with a truly unbiased mindset. But there were lots of people posting that it's absurd that in this day and age that the greatest country on earth would discriminate against someone for their sexual preference. 20 years ago that would definitely not have been the case. Agreed! Good taste in furniture and clothing, That is the funniest tag I've seen on a blog yet!!!!!! I was laughing my ass off when I saw it!!! Well done!!! Cheers! [ Reply to Comment ]
araker Reputation: 99 Level: Superstar Since: Feb 19, 2007	Posted on: May 17, 2008 9:34 am Score: 96 If you were gay in an intollerant household. Why in the world would anyone choose a lifestyle that puts them in harms way and exposes them to constant criticism and ridicule? Yeah, but you chose to be a Green Bay fan. . . [ Reply to Comment ]
banned sleepy Reputation: 79 Level: Pro Since: Mar 6, 2007	Posted on: May 17, 2008 9:48 am Score: 90 If you were gay in an intollerant household. People choose to be gay, it is not a genetic trait or hormone inbalence. If it is a born trait by so many people in the world why are they ashamed of it? It is an excuse by them to justify doing something that is wrong. [ Reply to Comment ]
Badger_colorado Reputation: 97 Level: Superstar Since: Jan 24, 2007	Posted on: May 17, 2008 11:39 am Score: 91 If you were gay in an intollerant household. The great weather, the beaches, awesome snow skiing, Yosemite, etc. :) I lived in San Diego for more than 3 years. I'm well aware of the good things. I also visited L.A. many times and literally felt the air go into my lungs and burn. I also had to drive in SoCal and try to afford a place to live. I know about the bad stuff, too. But, I love San Diego and miss the place a lot. I'm not anti-California at all. Oh...and I THOUGHT there was awesome snow skiing in California...then I moved to Colorado and learned what real skiing is all about. Isn't that the most telling thing right there? Those handful of tiny words that ALWAYS need to preface these arguments, "I'm not gay." I don't state my sexuality because I'm afraid some idiot might thing I'm gay. I do it because I think it means more for a straight person to support gay rights (probably the same reason you say it, but I wanted it to be clear). You are right...it simply should not matter. While this does happen, it isn't the norm. I understand it isn't the norm. However, most h0m0sexuals go through some serious depression and a whole lot of mental anguish before they finally accept who they are. In MANY cases, the family never accepts them and actually believes they are choosing to go to he!! because of their lifestyle, even in cases where they can at least get along. Having your family consider you to be broken is a burden no matter how mentally strong a person is or becomes. However, in the case of friends I have who are gay, mostly they have become perfectly happy with what God gave them. And when we hang out, we don't really talk about them being gay any more (I've asked all the questions that can be asked and I understand it as completely as a straight person can), although we still tease each other about wanting to get some action from people neither of us would want to get action from (women in their case, men in mine). Yeah, but you chose to be a Green Bay fan...Says the Vandurbuilt fan. [ Reply to Comment ]
araker Reputation: 99 Level: Superstar Since: Feb 19, 2007	Posted on: May 17, 2008 12:00 pm Score: 95 If you were gay in an intollerant household. Says the Vandurbuilt fan. I didn't chose, per se. I got paid a lot. And I chose to take that money. [ Reply to Comment ]